I'm not a "victim" of divorce
I’m not a “victim” of divorce. I was very much present at the court house signing my name on the line. I stood there in front of friends and family and vowed “til death do us part”. I’m partly responsible for my marriage coming to an end. I contributed to our failed relationship.
I went into my marriage unsure & afraid. Why did you move forward then Dione? I moved forward with the marriage because I believed that he was the only man of his kind. Nice house, car, good job, funny, charming & seemingly responsible. On second thought, to be honest, I moved forward with the marriage because I didn’t believe in me. I didn’t believe that I was “qualified” or “good enough” for such a man. I didn’t have much. I was a college dropout, lived at home with my parents and was only working a part-time job. “What good man would ever want me?” I thought to myself. I was moving in fear. I was afraid that if I didn’t marry him, then I’d lose him all together and I wanted to keep him as a friend. I had no understanding that who is for you will always be there for you and if they’re not for you then you should definitely just let them go.
So I took advantage of the opportunity that was being presented before me. Selfish of me right? Yes! While I did like him, I wasn’t in love with him & he wasn’t truly in love with me. I had no clue what love even was. Clearly I didn’t even love myself. I saw someone who I thought I could build with or better yet, someone who could build me! What I really should’ve been focused on is building up myself by myself. Building my self-esteem, my self-perspective, my goals and dreams & my love for myself. I had no business getting married when I did. I was twenty-years young and didn’t have an understanding of life. I’m twenty-five now and am still trying to figure some things out.
Needless to say, our relationship was unfulfilling because it lacked love. We both indulged in other things to get our minds and focus off the marriage and eventually came to that breaking point. I could no longer live in the fear and misery and I know he was longing for another route as well.
~Dione's Healthy Helpings~
Before getting into any type of relationship, it’s so important that you know who you are so that you’re not looking for someone else to define you. Not knowing your identity will have you searching all over in things and people. It causes you to be unstable and we all know that instability calls for disaster in a relationship. I want to encourage you, if you haven’t already, to seek out your true identity. Find out who you really are, what you really want and all that you’re capable of. Let Christ Jesus perfect you in his love so that your love will be made perfect. Don’t make another major move before getting to know the real you.
1 John 4:18
18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
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